I should have thought of Genkai before climbing down these fucking stairs... Kuwabara cursed himself. From the beach to the top of the mount where Genkai’s temple had been built, the walk up was a real challenge. He tried to keep his shape over the years, training hard every afternoon, but after the dissolution of the Urameshi Team he had become a little rusted. In his opinion, there was no better gymnastics than breaking youkais’ heads.

Kazuma felt an unusual fondness for that long stairway. In lots of ways, those steps had meant the beginning of the best adventure of his life. Four years before, he climbed them up to counsel the great Master Genkai about his growing psychic powers, coincidentally arriving when the competition that would elect Genkai’s successor was about to begin. And coincidentally meeting Urameshi there as well...

Coincidences... Of course, those events were just as coincidental as Urameshi’s absurd luck. Those with strong reiki would be guided safe and sound through the swirls of life, always feeling the hand of Fate pulling heavily on their backs. Destiny nudged Kuwabara to climb those steps and begin the journey with Urameshi. Kurama and Hiei joined them later. Then Yukina... then paradise.

When his three teammates left to Makai, Kazuma came to see Yukina four times a week. The path to the little Koorime’s company had become his private stairway to heaven, and he made the walk up with a perpetual goofy smile on his face. Well, he had to take a deodorant in his pocket every time, since he wouldn’t want Yukina to sense how exhausting the scaling was... That would be embarrassing.

But now... he felt like he was descending to hell. And each step hurt him as if daggers were rising to jab his soles.

"I can’t lose her," he whispered. "Please gods, I can’t lose her." Since he had saw Yukina’s face in that VCR tape, those big red eyes and perfect features behind the bars of Taroukane’s prison, Kuwabara had not set a single plan in his life that didn’t include her. The Ice Maiden was the warm gentle star his universe spun around. Without her, the worlds would topple and disintegrate. Without her, his soul would be utterly lost forevermore.

"You better have something to tell me, Genkai," he muttered when he made it past the entrance archway. "I’m not going to sit and watch while my life is ruined by that miserable shrimp and his stupid grumbles."

The front door of the temple was open, and Kuwabara quickly spotted the old woman kneeling down on the tatami of the main room. For a moment he imagined she was having her tea and hesitated in disturbing the ritual. But soon a screeching series of electronic sounds called his attention to the object that Genkai had in her hands. Not a cup. A joystick.

He shouldn’t be surprised. Urameshi had told him how easily Genkai beat Amanuma, the Game Master, in the helicopter series of the Game Battler in the Irima Cave. This time she was playing a new game called Air Dash, in which the player had to fly a fighter through narrow canyons full of enemy interceptors. And it seemed she was already in the final stages of the game.

He stepped into the room, wondering if he should wait for her to finish that phase.

"Boy, you are stubborn," the old woman muttered without turning.

"Hun?"

"What did I tell you?" She blew off a canyon wall to enlarge the path to her plane, while groaning in low voice. "Didn’t I tell you to go home? Didn’t I tell you to come back tomorrow?"

"Ahn... yes, but..."

"But you didn’t listen, ne?"

"Shihan, please..."

"Why don’t you listen?" she cut him. "Why you kids never listen?"

"But I’m not..."

"Stupid question, ne?" she snorted. "If you listened, you wouldn’t be kids anymore."

"You are not listening either, Genkai!" Kuwabara exclaimed impatiently.

She blinked. Then turned to offer him a rueful grin. "I’m not, am I?"

Chuckling to herself, she pressed the button to quit the game. In the screen, an uniformed pilot with his arms crossed in a scolding attitude appeared beside a red-lettered text: "You quitting the game already, you sissy?"

"I’ll get you later," she promised, sticking her tongue at the screen.

She turned the game off and gestured to Kuwabara to sit on the tatami with her. "All right. Let’s the two of us try to act as grown-ups then. What did you want to tell me?"

"I need your advice, shihan," Kazuma murmured, kneeling before her.

"Advice?"

"About Yukina-san."

"I already gave you my advice," she said tiredly. "Go home, boy. Give her time and space to think."

Kuwabara shook his head. "That’s not what I meant. I’ll give her time, all the time she needs. I could wait forever for her, shihan."

She smiled. "Yes, I suppose you’re quite capable of it..."

"But I need to know what’s happening," he insisted. "I need to know something. At least to know what I would be waiting for."

Genkai closed her eyes. The bursting abandon of passion... when we believe that a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ from the beloved one means the difference between heaven and eternal perdition. So long ago...

"Am I asking too much?" asked Kazuma.

"No, Kuwabara. I don’t think you’re asking much. But I’m not the one who makes any decisions here."

The faced her seriously. "Shihan... I don’t expect you to betray Yukina-san’s trust."

Genkai frowned, not comprehending.

"I mean, if she made any confidences to you," he added hastily. "I’ll be the last person in the three worlds to ask you to tell me those secrets."

"Kuwabara..."

"But I was thinking," he interrupted her. "Maybe you could offer me a hint, you know? Just a tiny hint."

"I don’t know what’s going on with Yukina, Kuwabara. Really, I don’t." She got on her feet and opened one of the side doors of the temple. "If any of this depended on me..."

"You would tell me?"

From there, Genkai could see a small portion of sand in the beach at the base of the mount. Just a tiny portion. Thus, it was rather curious that Hiei had chosen a fallen tree trunk right in that particular spot to perch on. "I don’t know, Kuwabara. Yukina has been living here with me for four years, and she brought nothing but warmth and kindness to my home. I want the best for her. I want to be sure that she’ll be safe, protected, and happy." She smiled at the little black figure down at the beach. "I suppose that that’s what we all want."

"She’ll be safe with me!" Kazuma promised. "I’ll protect her! I’ll make her happy!"

"I’m sure you would make your best, boy. But is it your best enough?"

Kuwabara’s eyes widened in indignation. "You doubt me, Genkai?"

"No." She turned her back to the opened door to face him. "I just doubt that any of us truly understands Yukina’s needs."

Kuwabara kept staring at her, utterly confused. "With all due respect, shihan... with your age and experience... of course you understand. You probably went through something like that seventy years ago, ne?" he suggested hopefully.

He didn’t see the fist coming. Next thing Kazuma knew, he was lying flat on the tatami with a huge bump in his head.

"Oi brat!" Genkai snapped. "Seventy years? How old do you think I am, you idiot?"

"Ouch! Sorry... it was just a guess..."

"Hn. How do you want to get married if you don’t know the first rule about women? Never guess!" At least never guess that high...

"Sorry, shihan." He sat up slowly, singing birds flying around his head. "Ouch... All I meant was that..."

"I know what you meant," she cut him.

Kazuma rearranged his hair, blinking until the annoying birds vanished from his blurry vision. "So?"

"So you’re wrong." Calming herself, the old woman walked back to the doorway. Hiei was still down there in the beach.

What’s up with him today? Genkai wondered. The Fire Demon showed up frequently on her lands — or maybe ‘showed up’ wasn’t the right term for it. He would just hide in the trees and watch Yukina for endless hours, sometimes for four or five days in a row. He never interfered with the routine of the temple, and in return Genkai wouldn’t disturb his watching ritual when she sensed his youki nearby. But he would seldom step on the beach, even if Yukina decided to take a stroll by the sea. And he always took care not to be noticed by anyone.

For some reason, Genkai wasn’t appreciating the sudden change of habits.

"Shihan... I don’t get it," Kuwabara murmured at her back. "Even if Yukina-san never opened up to you, with your life experience..."

"My human life experience, Kuwabara," she corrected him.

"Well... yes..."

"How can I possibly know what goes over the mind of a Koorime?"

Kazuma scratched his chin. "With your wisdom..."

"Stop flattering me, boy." Genkai silently cursed her old age. Her eyes were still good if compared to the average humans’ vision, but nothing like it had been in her youth. Thirty years before she would have had no trouble descrying Hiei’s facial expression from that distance. Something’s bugging him, she pondered. Is it just Yukina... or something else?

A little annoyed at not having the woman’s full attention, Kazuma stood up and went to see what could be so interesting outside...

Needless to say, he wasn’t pleased with the view. "What is he doing here?"

"How can I possibly know what goes over the mind of a Fire Demon?" she snorted. "Kuwabara, they are not like us. The way they think, the way they reason, the way they feel... It might be completely different from the way we humans see things. Of course I remember of the time I had Yukina’s age. But we’re talking about years, plain and simple. But when Yukina gets to be my age now, she’ll still be a young girl."

Kuwabara winced. And I’ll be an old man...

"I remember the hell and ecstasy of being in love for the first time," Genkai continued. "But what does ‘love’ mean for a demon? What does ‘love’ mean for a Koorime? Yukina’s body is similar to that of a human girl, but there are many differences in the internal organs. The brain waves, the hormonal system... Love is not only that beautiful spiritual thing, boy. There is flesh to it... flesh, skin, smell, taste... And I simply don’t know if she feels them like we do, or if she feels them at all."

Muttering to himself, Kuwabara began to repent having followed Shizuru’s advice of talking to Genkai. The old master was giving him no solutions, only more problems!

"Why don’t you go talk to Hiei?" Genkai suggested.

"Hi-hiei?!" Kuwabara gasped. "I’m in this situation because of him! He put Yukina-san against me. He decided to ruin our engagement!"

She shrugged. "Still... if someone can help you, he’s the one."

"How?"

"I think he knows a little about the Koorime culture. He might enlighten you in whatever is that Yukina’s been going through."

"Hiei?" Kuwabara couldn’t believe his ears.

"And Yukina likes him very much," she argued. "She might have told him the confidences that an old ningen woman like me wouldn’t be able to comprehend anyway."

"But... Hiei?" Of all people...

"He doesn’t bite, you know. He might punch, slice, burn to ashes, but he doesn’t bite."

Kazuma eyed her suspiciously.

Genkai conceded. "At least not very often."

"Kaasan, I’m home!"

"Up here, musuko," came the distant reply. "In Shuuichi’s room."

Kurama took off his shoes, hanged up his coat and climbed the stairs. He found his mother kneeling down on the floor next to his stepbrother’s bed, tampering with the huge pile of various objects, clothes and papers that covered almost every inch of the planking. "Are you digging for the secret map for Atlantis?" he asked, leaning down to kiss her on the cheek. "I’m sure it is here somewhere."

Shiori giggled. "I’m looking for Kazuya’s spare glasses. We looked everywhere in the house, so..."

"...it’s gotta be here," Kurama finished for her, eyeing disgustedly the astonishing mess that was little Shuuichi’s bedroom. "Please don’t ask me to help you."

"Don’t worry, dear. I’ll find it." And then, with an impish smile, "Have you found that CD you were looking for the other day?" she asked casually.

Or not so casually.

"You are asking me to help you," Kurama faked a groan.

"Oh, I wouldn’t do that, Shuu-chan," Shiori protested, her eyes gleaming mischievously.

What a beautiful Youko you would have been, Kaasan... he smiled to himself. "Why can’t I deny you anything?" He knelt down beside her and joined her effort.

"So how was the picnic?"

Kurama shrugged. "Okay. A lot of bickering among the guys, the girls teasing us at every word we said..."

"That’s what girls are supposed to do," she teased him.

"So I’ve been told," he winked. "But there’s huge news: Kuwabara-kun and Yukina-chan are engaged."

Shiori turned a delighted face to her son. "You don’t say! That’s wonderful news! Yukina-chan will be such a lovely bride. Did they set a date already?"

"Not yet," the redhead sighed. "There’s still some... family hurdles to deal with."

Shiori shook her head, seeming very displeased. "Some families have this annoying habit of being too blind to recognize true love," she muttered.

Kurama winced regretfully at the remark. "Kaasan... I’m sorry. I never meant to interfere with you and Tousan. I was... just... jealous," he admitted humbly.

Shiori blinked in surprise. "What? Oh no, Shuu-chan! I wasn’t talking about you. I know you resented my new marriage in the beginning, but you were always so supportive. I wouldn’t have dreamed of remarrying if you had really opposed to it." She went back to her search among the pile. "I was talking about your father’s parents."

Kurama’s eyes widened in stupefaction. "They were against you?" He had never known about that.

"Well, I guess your Obaasan just thought there was no girl on Earth worthy of her baby," she snickered. Then, with a sideways glance to her son, "I can’t say I don’t understand how she feels."

Kurama rolled his eyes. "At least now I know what’s coming my way... What about Ojiisan?"

Her expression darkened at the memories. "He had the daughter of a friend in mind to your father. You know, good friends wishing they could be united in the same family."

"By forcing their children to accomplish the union," the Youko muttered.

"He didn’t force your father. But he didn’t hide his disappointment when we announced our engagement."

"Is he still disappointed?" Kurama asked. His grandparents had showed up the week before for dinner and the general mood had been quite cheerful among them. They had always been there for Shiori after their son’s death, and had later encouraged Shiori to let go of the mourning and remarry. They treated Kazuya Hatanaka and little Shuuichi very affectionately, as the welcome new members of the Minamino family. Kurama wouldn’t suspect them of any lingering resentment.

Shiori smiled tenderly. "I don’t think so. Anyway, he fell out with his friend fifteen years ago."

"Why?"

She shrugged. "It happens. Even some beautiful long-termed friendships die eventually. It’s very rare for friends to withstand the changes we go through in our lives. I lost all contact with my schoolmates less than two years after graduation. I think it’s amazing that you managed to stay so glued to that delinquent gang of yours," she joshed.

"Kaasan..." he laughed. It was a private joke of theirs. Soon after Kurama had joined the Reikai Tantei, the old lady next door showed up at Shiori’s porch claiming she had awful news about her supposedly irreproachable son. She had seen the Minamino boy hanging around with two well-known delinquent kids of Sarayashiki High. Shiori had answered her very calmly, "Isn’t it a good thing? Soon there will be two rehabilitated kids in Sarayashiki High."

Of course, Kurama doubted anyone would ever be able to ‘rehabilitate’ either Yusuke or Kuwabara. And Inari forbid that something like that should ever happen. That would be the day the worlds would collapse onto each other. But it felt good to know his mother confided in him that much. "You see, we delinquents must stick together. You never know when a concerned neighbor will try to turn us into model citizens," he replied in kind.

They both paused their task to share a joyful laugh. In that moment all the anguish and sadness brought by his fight with Hiei vanished from Kurama’s heart, and he dived into the peaceful tepidity of homey life.

"Speaking of it, did your short spiky-haired friend showed up too?" Shiori inquired. "What is his name?"

And in a second the tepidity turned into wild waves of heat and ice. "Hiei? Yeah, he... dropped by." Right on top of me... "Eventually." Did that sound too bitter? "Why?"

"I know you’ve been missing him," she retorted quietly. "He spends a lot of time out of town, doesn’t he?"

Out of town, out of our world... "Yes. But he always comes back." I hope.

"That’s good!" she exclaimed. "He seems to be so gloomy all the time, but you are a lot more cheerful when he’s around."

Uh-oh... "I met him years before the others. We go back together a long time." Kurama cringed at the defensive tone all too exposed in his voice. He forced a grin. "The first delinquent."

"I can’t really see him as a delinquent, despite the hard edge to his manners," Shiori commented. "To be honest, I think he’s such a cute charming boy..."

Ohhhhhh yesssssss... "Careful, Kaasan. He just hates to be called cute."

His mother giggled. "Which only proves that lots of people get to think that way, ne?"

In fact Kurama knew of no one besides himself ever calling Hiei cute. But Shiori was right; certainly lots of others would say it aloud, weren’t the prospects of the Jaganshi’s reply so bloody violent.

Who else thinks Hiei is cute? Mukuro, for sure. Yukina, but she didn’t count. Shigure, though he was dead now. Botan? ...hard to tell. Shizuru, sure bet. Possibly Keiko. Definitely Yusuke. And perhaps plus a hundred male and female youkais in Mukuro’s realms. And still he thinks so little of himself...

His glum thoughts were interrupted by the glummer sigh of his mother. "I hope Kazuya won’t need those glasses tonight..."

"Or in the next decade," Kurama added, glaring helplessly at the absurd mess of the room.

"I’m more worried about tonight. We’re going to the movies."

The redhead pursed his lips. "Valentine’s date?"

Shiori’s cheeks blushed slightly. Obviously she was still very much in love with her new husband. "Kazuya insisted. I think it’s a little silly, I mean, Valentine’s is for the young, don’t you think?"

The very old demon inside him chuckled. His young human heart felt empty and hungry. "I’m not so sure, Kaasan," he murmured.

She shrugged. "Well, that’s what I used to think, at least. I really can’t picture your brother being so nervous and excited about Valentine’s twenty years from now, for example."

Kurama laughed, remembering the poor state of little Shuuichi when he woke up that morning. "I suppose it’s different. Shuuichi doesn’t even admit he has a girlfriend yet, while Tousan is pretty sure about his girl."

"Shuu-chan!" Shiori covered a shy grin, blushing even more. "And of course Nisshoku-chan is his girlfriend. That’s Kazuya’s doing, you know? He convinced Shuuichi that a girlfriend can only be called an official girlfriend," she smirked at the word, "after kissing her first. I have no idea where he gets these ideas..."

"By personal experience, perhaps..." Kurama giggled.

She gave him a playful smack on his head, feigning contempt. "Oh you! You’re horrible today."

He laughed, folding a white shirt he got from the pile. "Well, I hope Shuuichi finds his courage this time. It’s been a year of "unofficial dating" already. Kissing a pretty girl like Nisshoku-chan can’t be that hard."

"It is, when you think your whole life depends on it," Shiori sighed, memories of her teen years crossing her mind.

Kurama scowled. He tried hard not to think of Hiei. Of his angular childlike face looking up at him in dread after unveiling his heart completely to him. Of the dejected look in his eyes while waiting for a loving vow that would not be stated. Of the pitiful smile twisting the small mouth when he said, "It’s okay, I don’t mind." And of course, the harder he tried, the clearer those images crystallized in his mind.

Hiei was not a callow teen like little Shuuichi. He knew that his whole life didn’t depend on a kiss, or that not being loved by a ruthless Youko, a stubborn human, a stupid Fox, could not be considered the worst tragedy in his life. I’m just one of the many things he believes he doesn’t deserve to have because of those damned koorime...

And most of a year had passed for them too. Hiei still kept his I-don’t-mind attitude, and Kurama still didn’t make his mind about dumping him or strangling him or... or what?

He separated a handful more of clothes to fold, opening space in the pile to Shiori to continue her search. "A whole year of unofficial dating," he repeated. "That kid is beginning to worry me." He talked about his stepbrother, thinking of Hiei. But now he was beginning to wonder if the words didn’t work for himself too.

If Shiori didn’t read his mind, she came very close to it. "And who are you to say anything about Shuuichi? I’m not seeing you buying roses, writing Valentine’s cards and getting ready for a date. You’re nineteen already, Shuu-chan. One of your friends is married already, now another is engaged... when are you going to let a little love enter your heart, musuko?"

Kurama smirked. "Maybe there is no girl on Earth worthy of your baby, Kaasan."

This time Shiori didn’t laugh of her son’s play. "I’m serious, Shuu-chan. I won’t be here forever, you know. And I don’t wanna leave this world knowing I’m leaving you all by yourself."

A chill ran down his spine. "Please don’t talk like that, Kaasan." He remembered too well of how close he had come of losing her once...

"Then don’t make me." She was seldom this severe with him, and she resented speaking to him like that now. But his constant loneliness and gravity were finally troubling her. She wished that short boy, Hiei, would show up more often. Shuu-chan seemed another person altogether when the kid was around.

"I’m sorry, Kaasan," the redhead sighed. "I don’t know. Maybe I’m just not cut out for this love thing..."

"Don’t be silly," she chided again, this time more gently. "You’re perfectly cut out for it. I just hope you recognize it when it happens."

He frowned. "I thought love was one of those unmistakable things, like an elephant in your living room. Hard to miss it."

Shiori grinned in a weird way. "I’m afraid some people won’t recognize an elephant even when it steps on their foot."

"Ouch," he winced at the idea. And winced even more at the memories of Kuwabara’s explanation about how youkos manipulated their ‘private reality’. "You think I could miss something that heavy?"

"If you take after me, you just might," she muttered.

He blinked. "You? Kaasan, how could anyone miss it? Since the first time Tousan asked you out, you changed completely. You never wanted to get out of the house, and all of a sudden you were shopping every day, taking the afternoons to walk in the park, planning short trips..."

Shiori bit her lip to suppress a smile, not very successfully. "Was I? Yes, I think you’re right."

"You didn’t notice?"

"No," she admitted. "Not until I saw you were becoming jealous..."

Kurama disbelieved it. "You’re kidding."

"Kazuya was a good friend, one of the many good friends I had in the office," she told him, focusing her attention on the pile before her. That way, she wouldn’t have to face her son’s wide eyes. "I didn’t notice he had become special before you pointed it out for me."

Kurama shook his head. "So it’s all my fault?"

She glared at him by the corner of the eye, and he winked. "Just kidding, Kaasan."

She gave a short laugh. "You might be right about that too, though. If it weren’t for you... I’m not sure if I would have found out in time. He might have given up..."

For what Kurama knew about Kazuya Hatanaka, he doubted it. But she had a point. A more insecure man might have taken her obliviousness for rejection.

Again he tried hard to keep a certain Fire Demon’s face far away from his thoughts. "I’m not like that," he whispered.

"I hope not, musuko," Shiori fondled his hair.

"But it was different with Shuuichi, Kaasan," he frowned. "I mean, he didn’t become more dreamier than usual when he started dating Nisshoku-chan, like you did."

"Dreamier, ne?" Shiori covered her giggling mouth, shyly. "Well, I suppose it’s different to different people. I realized Nisshoku-chan was special when Shuuichi got so mad at his father when Kazuya said ‘Nisshoku’ was a weird name to give a girl."

Kurama smirked. "Yeah... He didn’t talk to Tousan for two days after that." Weird thing, when you think that one of that boy’s favorite games is mocking girls and giving them wicked nicknames.

"Your friend, Kuwabara-kun," Shiori said suddenly. "Remember the day you brought your friends to watch a movie on the VCR, and that broom seller camped right in front of our house, yelling so loud that all the neighborhood came to the windows to see what was happening?"

Kurama laughed. An unlikely scene to be ever forgotten. "I don’t think the neighbors bothered with it until Kuwabara-kun went out to shoo the man away. It was like they were competing to see who screamed louder!"

"All your friends were competing too, then," she snorted, amused.

The redhead nodded, unable to stop his laughing. Yusuke, Botan, Keiko, Shizuru... they all went out to yell at Kuwabara to shut up. And then some neighbors started to yell at them, and soon the situation was out of control. My dear delinquent friends...

"But then," Shiori continued, "Yukina-chan appeared on the door and said, "Kazuma-san, please don’t yell at the man," in that little frail voice she has. And that big sturdy boy, who looks like he can knock down a tree with his bare hands, came in back to the house like a puppy dog called back by its owner."

Kurama wiped his eyes, reflecting on the truth of those words. "I suppose Kuwabara-kun’s love for Yukina-chan is the biggest and more conspicuous elephant in the whole universe." Only it seems not to be big enough for Hiei to see it.

But perhaps Hiei did see it. Now Kurama knew, that was not quite the problem.

Shiori sighed. "I guess it’s easier to see it with others. But when it’s your living room... I don’t know. It’s not that simple."

"I still don’t see how you could have missed it with Tousan," Kurama commented. "It’s not like you didn’t have any experience on the subject, like Shuuichi or Kuwabara-kun... or me," he added with a snort.

Shiori halted her search, pondering about her son’s words. "It wasn’t like that before. Not with your father." She shook her head vehemently. "Oh no, nothing like that at all."

Kurama was curious. He remembered very little of his human father, who had died too soon. As a baby, Kurama’s limbs allowed him few movements, and the few lingering remembrances were of a young smiling man leaning over his cradle and scooping him up to his warm arms, mumbling silly sounds in his ear — vain attempts of making that unusually serious baby to smile. "You met him in school?"

"Not exactly. We were in the same school, but he was two years older, so we were never in the same class." Shiori corrected him. "But his best friend’s cousin was. We met in my classmate’s birthday party."

"Fate," Kurama winked.

She pursed her lips. "If that’s how you call having a soccer ball covered with mud being dropped on my brand-new skirt."

The redhead cringed. "I call it fate, definitely. Unless he did it on purpose."

"He didn’t. He was so embarrassed, I think he apologized for it a million times." She snickered. "Even after our marriage, he was still apologizing for it."

Kurama smiled, trying to picture the scene. "You weren’t mad at him, of course." In all his life, he had seldom seen his mother angry at anything.

"I was furious," she retorted.

That day was full of surprises. "What?! Why?"

"I don’t know," she admitted. "I just was. I knew the stains would come out, and I didn’t even like the skirt that much. My classmate let me borrow another while mine was being washed and dried, and... well... it’s not my style to be affected by little things like that."

"Not at all," Kurama agreed.

"But your father... For some reason, he seemed to have a natural gift for infuriating me."

Kurama paled, his heart pounded in his chest. Trying hard not to think of... I won’t think of him!!!

"Once he bought a wallet as a present to his father," Shiori went on. "He paid an absurd sum for it, because the man in the shop told him it was pure leather. When he showed it to me... it was obviously not leather. It didn’t even look like leather. And there was this big label inside with the word ‘synthetic’ in huge capital letters. How could he not notice?"

Kurama gaped. The contempt in her voice, the look in her eyes... he didn’t know that woman before him.

"He had the head in the clouds sometimes," Shiori sighed. "I knew that. But when I saw that ridiculous wallet... I guess that was when the elephant stepped on my foot."

Knitting his brows, Kurama eyed her without understanding. "What do you mean?"

"Why would I care about someone else’s wallet so much?" she shrugged. "Had it happened with anyone else, I would only have said, "Gomen, I think you were deceived." Or wouldn’t have said anything at all, it might not sound very polite to say something like that."

Kurama nodded. It was a delicate matter, at least in Ningenkai.

"But with him..." The sad smile on Shiori’s face was much more familiar to her son. "He was special. I couldn’t stand the thought of someone taking advantage of his trust. I took the wallet back to the shop myself and rubbed it on that cheat’s nose until he agreed to return the money."

That was too hard to Kurama to imagine. "Wow..."

"Open your eyes, Shuu-chan," Shiori warned. "Maybe you’re expecting the wrong elephant to step on your feet, you know?"

"The wrong elephant?"

"Sometimes I think, Shuu-chan... You’re always so calm, so confident, so in control... Maybe you’re expecting someone who will make you feel in peace with the world. That was what I was expecting when I met your father. You don’t need someone like that. Neither did I."

"And what did you need, Kaasan?"

"Someone to shake the ground and the walls around me," Shiori told him secretly. "The feeling that I had to grab life in my hands hard and fast, and live it passionately." She caressed his cheek lovingly. "Maybe what you need, musuko, is someone to ruin your calm, confidence and control. To show you a dimension of life you never lived."

And right in the middle of his mother’s last remark, Kurama’s feet started to ache madly.

Kurama didn’t find his CD. Shiori had eventually found Kazuya’s glasses, its lenses enveloped in cellophane, the left one in red, the right one in blue. "Maybe you should invite Tousan to watch a 3D movie," he had suggested playfully to Shiori.

But there was nothing playful about the Youko’s mood as he sat alone on the sofa in the living room, staring at the carpet. He was confused. Yukina and Kuwabara’s rupture fell like a heavy burden on his shoulders. All his closest friends were at that very moment greatly unhappy. That was clearly the worst possible Valentine’s Day ever. And now his feet hurt.

At least Kurama knew that he was the one making his feet hurt, now that he was aware of the weird ways a Youko dealt with his own perceptions and feelings. Unfortunately, awareness didn’t mean he could control it — in this case, by making the pain stop. It served only to guarantee that he didn’t need to look for an orthopedist, but for a solution to the uproar in his heart.

How many times had he felt that? How many times had he told Hiei that? They had both made their decisions. Kurama for Ningenkai, for the peace and tranquility of the human daily routine, for the love and gratitude to the woman who taught so much to an old spirit who imagined he knew everything already. And Hiei for Makai, for the chance of finally belonging somewhere, for the loyalty to the woman who opened arms to him and called him to be her partner, lover and heir.

It took a long time until they both admitted that none of those decisions were actually wrong. It took long, and many nasty fights. They simply wanted different things.

Or did they want the same thing, only for each one the desired life resided in different places?

Hiei was cute, oh yes. He was adorable. And also impressive, fascinating, unbelievably strong, unbearably disturbing. But most of all, the Fire Demon was utterly annoying. Nothing like what Kurama had always looked for in a lover. Nothing like the ones he had had as lovers in the past. Hiei was too emotionally dependent, something that Kurama saw with alarm. On the other hand, the little youkai fought for what he wanted with thorough independence, and more than often would leave the Youko talking to himself, feeling very alone.

He is right in all the wrong places, Kurama thought. He didn’t know what he meant with it, but that felt like the best way to describe Hiei somehow.

"It’s very rare for friends to stand the changes we go through in our lives," had claimed Shiori. If there were two friends who should have parted ways when their lives began to change, those were Kurama and Hiei. They didn’t even live in the same world anymore. There were no excuses to justify social visits. Why can’t I get rid of him? Why can’t I put his photo in my schooldays album and forget all about him? Kurama couldn’t quite blame Fate for it. We keep coming back to each other, over and over and over...

An obsession. Kurama thought about slapping himself every time the Fire Demon appeared in his thoughts. But considering the last year, he guessed that in two days he would be in worse shape than when Karasu exploded his bombs on his body in the Ankoku Bujutsukai...

Kurama didn’t know what kind of person could fit the life that he had chosen to himself. At first he had cogitated about following the normal human ways: dating some girls, picking the dearest of them and marrying her. Preferably one who wouldn’t want to have kids. He wasn’t quite sure of how much his Youko spirit had altered Shuuichi Minamino’s body, but there were good chances that his seed carried youkai genes; chances too good to be ignored. And having a demonic child would certainly ruffle his plans of living peacefully and inconspicuously as a ningen.

But that plan began to look utopian when Kuwabara revealed his theories on Kurama’s powers. Could he keep a human wife permanently oblivious to those skills he was still unable to control? Could he keep her out of his influence over the reality field around him? Would it be fair to throw a ningen woman into the intricate maze of his "artificially" controlled emotions?

As an exasperating sense of ethics forced him farther and farther from any possibilities of meeting his soul mate, more and more he hungered for the magic of Valentine’s Day. He longed for the perfect sunset, witnessed hand in hand with the perfect person, who would say only the right words and gaze at him in the right way. He ached to have Kuwabara’s goofy smile in his own face, to feel his eyes gleaming like Yukina’s when she laughed at one of her fiancé’s follies, to float in the air like Shiori did when Kazuya danced with her. He wanted love... beautiful, dreamy, romantic... and peaceful.

He glowered down at his feet. They hurt too much, as if all his toes were broken. "Stop this nonsense," he hissed. "I don’t want him. I don’t love him. And he says he loves me, but won’t change for me. It’s a dead end, don’t you see?"

A quick pang in the big toes made him moan. A man knows he’s beaten when he starts to argue with his own feet and loses.

He wouldn’t solve the issue by himself. Not when his mind kept doing weird things to manipulate his emotions with Inari-knew what intentions. He had to find someone he could talk to and who could help him to sort out that mess in his heart, now far bigger than the one in little Shuuichi’s bedroom.

But whom should he go to? Shiori was out of the question. Hiei had always been the one he counted on to listen to him, to understand the kind of problems and doleful feelings a demon stranded in the human world had to face. Now Hiei was equally out of the question.

The third option was obvious, the only one around who knew for sure about his relationship with Hiei. But it didn’t feel right to go bother Shizuru with his problems now, when her brother’s engagement has just been announced and immediately called off. Furthermore, they have never been that close to exchange confidences.

So Kurama concentrated on his next choice. One he had trusted with confidences before, one who also had to deal with the human/demonic duality in his daily life, a friend he cherished like very few things in his life. But who knows what will be Yusuke’s reaction when he finds out about me and Hiei?... and he’s facing his own set of trouble with Keiko, after all Hiei said this morning... and I don’t even know when he’s coming back from Reikai...

Kurama huffed. He had given too many lame excuses to his mother during his whole life not to recognize them... I need to talk to someone. Or else I’m gonna go crazy, or cut off my feet.

So... Yusuke.

Tell him everything.

Give him the whole picture.

And hope for the best.

"Shuu-chan, lunch is almost ready," Shiori called from the kitchen. "Are you hungry?"

After the picnic and with that galling riddle hazing his mind, he wasn’t. "Not much, Kaasan. But I’ll lunch with you anyway."

"You sure? I could leave something for you to heat up later."

"No, I rather eat now," he sighed, stepping into the kitchen to help her. "I’m thinking about stopping by Yusuke’s later."

Shiori nodded with a broad smile. "Some friendships seem to endure everything, ne? Those are very rare."

"I know," he answered with a lopsided grin. "I hope this is one of them."

Chapter Four - Valentine's Kekkai
Back to Eien no Hakusho